It's been 4.5 months since we moved to Texas.  For the most part, we've been very happy here - the schools, restaurants, shopping, attractions, the house with a pool, and the people.  Well, except for our neighbor who happens to be the town bitch (later post).  Lucky us!  The biggest gripe?

The weather.  No wonder people around here are so religious - it seems like the "wrath of God" is showing up every other week.  In the short amount of time we've been here, we had the worst tornado season in decades, a bunch of unusually large hail storms and the clincher?  Not sure if you guys in the rest of the world know, but we have had almost 60 consecutive days of over 100 degree weather.  This is the second-longest stretch... EVER.  Like in the history of recorded time!  (all right, I may be exaggerating).  What are the chances we move to an area and within 4.5 months we get the worst winds in decades, the worst hail in decades and the worst heat wave in decades?  All in 4.5 months?!?  I guess the only thing missing from the above illustration is the snow.  Joy.  All I know is, if our pond turns into blood, or the pool is teeming with frogs or the skies get dark from locusts, we're getting the hell out of here.

You literally can't stand in direct sunlight for more than 10 minutes at the highs before you feel like you are going to spontaneously combust.  I feel like Birdman for 30 seconds and then after that, Birdman wants to go back inside where there is air conditioning.  Call me Birdboy.  My electric bill the last two months averaged $900.  That's an unrealistically large number of small stakes full ring nits I have to overset every month just to pay for AC.

At least this means Mrs. Fly will keep having to wear her skimpy outfits - especially by the pool.  On second thought, maybe this heat isn't too bad.  "Oh honey, let me put some more sunscreen on your decolletage.  You don't want to get all leathery like Magda from There's Something About Mary.  Stop resisting - I'm doing this for you baby!"

Ewww...